According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
