Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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