Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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