shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
