please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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