I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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