please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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