I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
