remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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