Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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