ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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