I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
