I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
