We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
