alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
pray to the hookup gods
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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