Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
