remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
