whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
