And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
