i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
