My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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