just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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