it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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