i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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