yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
