She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
