I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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