wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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