i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
