I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want to make out with him forever
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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