What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
