I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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