WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
