I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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