There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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