i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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