My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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