Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
