ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
