No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
