I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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