I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
