We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
