If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
