Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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