You're my little dorito
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
