i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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