Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
what is it with giant penises always finding me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
