I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
