Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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