just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
