yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
