You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
