So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
