atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
