They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
