Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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