I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We are all done wearing pants today
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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