Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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