i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
