thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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