I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I love having hate sex.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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